Passion, perspective and comparison
I would love for this blog to be filled with great inspirational things and for me to be boasting about results, but for some reason a lot of the time it feels like I only ever get around to writing when things aren’t going so well.
I have really struggled the last few days. I don’t know if it’s just been a culmination of life overwhelming me and a general lack of willpower/motivation, or if it’s something else but it’s certainly come to a point today where I am feeling pretty horrible.
I have eaten some seriously crappy food in the last week. I didn’t really notice that these days, even if I do eat a takeaway meal, it’s usually only one meal and that’s it. This week was different. I was rushing around like mad, socialising and just generally bad with my food choices and ate probably 4 or 5 bad meals within 4 days. Perhaps this is why I’ve felt like an absolute whale today, or perhaps I am just having a mini self-esteem crisis. Potentially both. Either way, I can easily say I had one of my worst ever gym sessions tonight. I just couldn’t get the negativity out of my head and just felt like hiding every time I saw my reflection.
I posted a photo to my Instagram earlier, and I think what I wrote there really sums it up:
I have felt really crappy about myself these last few days. I think all too often I get caught up comparing myself to others and wishing I was the blonde naturally skinny girl with a perfect tan and smile. It’s frustrating because I know I’m being stupid, especially as I never give myself enough credit for managing the schedule I do, and yet here we are anyway. I need to mentally slap myself around some days I think…
The thing is, I spent a lot of time wishing I was naturally skinny and comparing myself to others. I get annoyed at myself for being freaking unlucky and ending up with the bulk of the unhelpful lifestyle traits (body shape, short legs, lack of coordination etc etc etc) and it really doesn’t help anything at all. Even now writing this, part of me knows these are things I cannot help but it doesn’t make me any less frustrated about it. All of these traits are what set me apart from others and make me who I am, they just happen to be traits that I would have much preferred to be reversed. Thinking about it now, this post is reminding me a lot of a post I wrote a while ago about choosing what people know/see/hear about you and projecting the image of a perfect life. It’s peoples’ projections that I end up comparing myself to, and then getting upset because I feel like I can’t measure up.
So here’s the bottom line. A word vomit of things I need to remember, if you will:
No two people are alike. Shit happens and there is no point in comparing yourself to someone who is naturally half your size, blonde and drop dead gorgeous. Everyone has their faults and flaws, and life is about making the most of the cards you’ve been dealt. Getting upset at yourself doesn’t help – dust yourself off and keep going. No one is perfect, no matter how much they try and make others think they are.
I may not be the skinniest or the prettiest, but I have worked my ass off to get where I am and to get this far.
Don’t lose track of how far you’ve come and remember changes don’t happen overnight.